All posts by Danica LeBlanc

Don’t Trust Men

Don’t trust men, ladies. Especially not when it comes to finances. 

Men are the reason I’m sitting in a Ricki’s on a Friday afternoon, a little drunk, and completely lost at what my next move should be. 

I put my trust in men, and I’m paying for it now. Literally and figuratively. I’ve no idea what to do next, and I’m pretty sure I’d be somewhere better than where I am now if I had made different choices over a year ago. 

I put my faith in someone who, for some strange reason, took it upon himself to completely destroy me. 

And now I’m left with nothing. No money, no power, no future. 

Pretty sure this will hurt me too, but I can’t stay quiet anymore. I can’t keep pretending that everything is fine, and everything isn’t falling apart all around me. 

What more do you have for me, world? How much more can you take from me? 

– Danica

January Cure Update

Didn’t realize over two weeks had gone by without having an update, but here we are now. I’m okay with this, because I was usually working on the Cure projects instead of writing about them. Also, I’m not a huge fan of writing, so it’s very easy for me to procrastinate on that type of work. Let’s see what I’ve been up to since I last posted.

Kitchen

Haven’t done a ton in the kitchen, other than clean parts of it when the assignments called for it. Hung some damn art, but the other wall is still bare. It’s not terrible, and I think it will be a while before I get to shopping for some type of bar cart. I do want to get somewhere with washi tape, but have been busy and broke maybe? *shrug*

  • Decorate with washi tape to brighten the cabinets
  • Change over the tin foil in the oven
  • Replace dining nook light bulb
  • Hang some damn art
  • Figure out a better bar situation

Pantry

The pantry needs a deep clean. This will be a job I devote an entire evening to, as I will have to empty it out, sweep and mop the floor, scrub the shelves, then decide what goes back in and if it’s in a workable place for me to efficiently use.

  • Remove most items
  • Reassess how they are used and if they’re on the correct shelf for their function

Living Room

I’ve done most of the work here. The space is redesigned(not on the list, but inspiration struck one night), I have the beginnings of an office, and the boxes will be dealt with over time. Some art is up, and my To Go box is full, with another to be created for more things. Brandon and I are planning to do another round of decluttering our media(movies, music, comics, books) in February. Now that we have some additional floor space to spread out, it should be easier to filter everything.

  • Go through, declutter, recycle papers in all random boxes
  • Hang more art
  • Set up office space
  • Declutter movies and music (pushed to February)

Bathroom

This is the final large weekend project for the January Cure, so admittedly I’ve been holding off because I know I’ll get to it. Along with decluttering, all surfaces will get a deep clean.

  • Declutter under sink and medicine cabinet

Bedroom

I have filled a bag with clothing and have requested Brandon go through his things to fill another. My bureau is cleaned off and my nail polish is on display in hopes I use it more often. Debating recycling the broken laundry basket because I can still use it to take down sheets and towels when the other one is full of dirty clothing. It’s a small thing to concern myself with, but I’m going to hold off until the end of the month on this one.

  • Declutter clothing
  • Clean and organize top of bureau
  • Recycle broken laundry basket

Who You Are, Not What You Think

I am awful at being mindful. Just awful. Do you know how hard it is to be in the present moment ALL THE DAMN TIME?

In any case, it’s a good thing to strive for, but if you’re anything like me, you’ll stress yourself out more if you try to live it.

But back to me. I am trying to be better about being mindful. Last year, I was doing really well. Focusing my on my current emotion, not getting too far into panicked thoughts about the future or what I did wrong in the past.

But then I started a business. A business that women aren’t really welcome in, no matter what values the store starts out with. I was immersed in micro aggressions, off-handed comments about murdering a female character simply because they preferred the original male character, comments about me being an employee and expressing doubt when I stated I was an owner of the store.

I stopped being mindful because I started to fall into depression. The odd thing was, I didn’t realize it until months later. I had put an air of everything being fine. I had begun to believe the lie myself. I lied to myself every day because I thought since I own a business, I can’t be a person any more. I can’t have bad days. Everything must be “Great! How are you? How are the kids? How was your holiday?” I gave more of myself than I ever had before, and ended up losing myself in this persona I created.

Ironically, last year was the year I realized I deserved respect. Not from myself, of course, that’s the longer road I have to travel. But from others. Random customers who barely recognize my existence to people I should be able to trust. It’s taken me a long time to realize I am really good at my job, and while I still pass people along to Brandon, now it is because I know he has specific information about a comic series I may not have read, instead of fear.

As I try to be the best I can be in my work, I will circle back to being mindful. I’ll see if I can actually appreciate the small moments, like when a 7-year old tells me I’m the reason she comes to the store, when a woman tells me I’ve made a safe space for her to shop, when a friend tells me I’m doing great things for the comics community. It can be really difficult with all the crappy moments and casual sexism I see literally every day, but I will try and focus more on the positive. The moments that don’t make me feel like I should just wither, give up, cry, and disappear. I’m sure there are a ton of people that wouldn’t even notice I was gone, but it’s not for those people that I stay(seriously though, fuck those people), it’s for everyone I mentioned previously, but mostly, for me. When this job is good, it’s amazing. It brings me such joy to see people happy to read.

I’m going to keep fighting. Even if it’s only with myself.

Danica LeBlanc // Twitter

Replay // Doctor Whooch and the Case of the Cry Face Ianto

We’ll be starting up Doctor Whooch’s 2016 new episodes next week, but first let’s go back and check out one of our favourite episodes of olde. It involves guest host James Leask (of Comics! The Blog, Moneyballas, and Twitter fame), Torchwood, ugly cry face Ianto, and an uncomfortably sexy Cyberwoman.

Please enjoy Episode 21, Ianto, No! and tune in for episode 77 on January 14. 

My 2016 January Cure

It’s my second year doing Apartment Therapy’s “January Cure“, and I wanted to share the process with you. If for nothing else then to keep myself accountable, I will try to give updates throughout the month about how it’s going.

There is a small project every day, except for the weekends, where the project is bigger and can be spread out over Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. Since we opened the year with a weekend, the apartment floor was swept as much as it could be with all the boxes laying about. (The boxes are on my list to deal with this month.) I won’t be buying flowers every weekend, as Max tries to eat any plant life I bring home, and they would just end up on top of the fridge.

My latest assignment was to make a list of tasks I’d like to get accomplished this month.

Kitchen

  • Decorate with washi tape to brighten the cabinets
  • Change over the tin foil in the oven
  • Replace dining nook light bulb
  • Hang some damn art
  • Figure out a better bar situation

Pantry

  • Remove most items
  • Reassess how they are used and if they’re on the correct shelf for their function

Living Room

  • Go through, declutter, recycle papers in all random boxes
  • Hang more art
  • Set up office space
  • Declutter movies and music

Bathroom

  • Declutter under sink and medicine cabinet

Bedroom

  • Declutter clothing
  • Clean and organize top of bureau
  • Recycle broken laundry basket

Tonight’s task is to clean the pantry. While I don’t have a traditional pantry, I will be emptying out the cabinet beside the stove, cleaning off the shelves, and making a list of what I have in there to make future dinners simpler.

5 Things I Learned In 2015

I am brave. I learned how to create a business from nothing, stepped up to most challenges, created new working and personal relationships, and worked hard on making a space where everyone can feel comfortable and safe.

I am a coward. I did not speak up often, and have a lot of regrets that I didn’t use the power I now have when hearing others say hateful things. I let a lot of important decisions slide because I thought I could trust others to do their part. I chose anger over empathy, and pretended I didn’t have a choice.

I both forgot and discovered different parts of who I am. I like sparkly nail polish, the colour pink and being feminine, lipstick, and long, flowing dresses. My depression and anxiety returned with a vengeance, so perhaps I am disguising my inside with my out. I hate myself while attempting to show that I love myself.

I need to trust others more. I need to remember that I am not alone in this. That I will not be weakened by talking. This is my hardest lesson, and one that is most definitely not complete.

I learned that no matter what happens today, tomorrow really does have a chance to be better. If I must be stubborn, I will try to make it that about that in 2016.