Because I need a break from doing things, and I’ve honestly spent too much time thinking about it.

Fatal Fourway Tag-Match: Cesaro & Tyson Kidd (C) vs. Los Matadores vs. The New Day vs. The USOs

Cesaro and Kidd win it, and they win it while running at full NXT level, with giant swings, and the whole deal. They get a chance to be indomitable, and they get to build them. Now unfortunately, who wins this match isn’t really a concern, because unless WWE takes time to refocus their tag division immediately after Wrestlemania, who has the belts doesn’t really matter. It should, and I think letting Cesaro and Kidd cut loose on the big stage, and demolish the other teams, laying ash to the past “season” of tag to let something new emerge from the ashes would be tops.

2nd Annual Andre the Giant Memorial Battle Royal

Lots of people in this one. Given my druthers, since they’ve split up the Goldust/Stardust story with this and the Intercontinental ladder match, this should come down to The Miz and Damien Mizdow. They should work together until the very last, and Mizdow (surprise!) turns on The Miz, and gets in a few hits, before The Miz flagrantly cheats (preferably with the help of a “new assistant”). This would set up a specific grudge match for the next PPV.

Basically, anyone else winning this match makes no story sense, I think. But that doesn’t mean WWE won’t just give this one to Sheamus or Kane of The Big Show, just because.

Seth Rollins vs. Randy Orton

Orton wins this one. Always have your returning hero strong. Besides, I think Seth Rollins will get to have his moment later in the show, and having him win this, clean or otherwise, would make a bonus encounter at the end of the show meaningless.

Some have said Rollins or Orton will throw this match specifically so that Rollins can cash in his Money in the Bank contract fresh on the winner of the main – and I think that works, but only if they don’t tip their hand until Monday Night RAW. If it becomes obvious that Rollins is getting a pass in this match, then clearly he’s going to cash in later – and the cash in should be a surprise, if it indeed happens.

A.J. Lee & Paige vs. The Bella Twins

AJ and Paige should win this, but they’ve sown the seeds of discontent between the two on a recent Raw. I’m hoping for a clean win for AJ and Paige, and a fight afterwards between all four due to legitimate misunderstandings, and not “jealousy”, setting up the division with four viable contenders for a belt with no real contenders. Also, this match should be a huge throw down. Anything less than an NXT style women’s match would be completely tone deaf.

The United States Championship – John “Jern” Cena vs. Rusev (C)

Cena wins this regardless, because AMERICA. Plus, they’ve been chipping at Rusev’s supports lately. Were I to have a dream situation, Rusev would wreck Cena, and change the title to be the Russian Championship. That said, given that I’m 100% sure this won’t happen, giving Cena the US Championship at least “legitimizes” the title. Or at least if his ego allows him to “elevate” the belt instead of making him believe he’s punching down. If Cena really is WWE, he’ll take the chance to embolden then company, rather than his own perception. (But if that were the case, wouldn’t he put over Rusev, seeing how the dude probably has a longer career ahead of him than Cena does at this point?)

The Undertaker vs. Bray Wyatt

Wyatt should win this. What started with Lesnar should be a “good-bye trilogy”. Leans breaks the streak, and gives his unstoppable monster gimmick some more credibility. Wyatt beats ‘Taker, and hands the mantle of “resident creepy demon” over to a guy who will definitely be sticking around longer. (Bonus points if there’s a big “transfer of power” spectacle.) And finally, Take wins against… well, someone (I’d hope Cena or Triple H – two dudes who are big and COULD put ‘Taker over without much branding damage) at Wrestlemania 32 as his grande finalé, because a) the dude should go out on top, and b) that’s gonna’ be a “hometown” Wrestlemania for ‘Taker.

Intercontinental Championship Ladder Match – Bad News Barrett (C) vs. Daniel Bryan vs. Dean Ambrose vs. Dolph Ziggler vs. R-Truth vs. Luke Harper vs. Stardust

Daniel Bryan has to lose, but just barely. He has to almost have it, and then Ziggler or Ambrose does a real hard heel turn (and I mean really, viciously hard) and snatches it from him, giving one of WWE’s highest profile guys a reason to chase this belt so hard, and give it some power. Given my druthers, I’d have Ambrose really turn the screws, for reasons I’ll go into in a bit.

Sting vs. Triple H

Sting has to win this. At the very least, he can’t win clean, but Sting absolutely has to win this, because literally nothing else has a point.

WWE World Heavyweight Championship: Brock Lesnar (C) vs. Roman Reigns

I want Brock to win, and have Seth Rollins cash in. And not just cash in, but whoops, Paul Heyman alliance switch and whoops, Roman Reigns in helping out Seth Rollins because Rollins is the “master architect” and he lost on purpose, and concocted this situation where also Dean Ambrose comes in and helps out because THE SHIELD ARE BACK AS MEGA HEELS and this sets up the first Brock Lesnar face match as he takes on The Shield at Summerslam or something.

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