First I want to start by thanking everyone who commented or sent out words of support about what I wrote this past weekend. It was a hard thing to admit to, and I still feel a little uncomfortable about having something like that out there, but in the end, I think it’s helping. It definitely feels like it’s helping.
I wanted to check back in with everyone so that I could talk about what happens now. If I’ve asked you to take this journey with me, I definitely want you all to know how things are going, instead of leaving you all in the dark. I doubt I will post about absolutely everything, but I do want to give you a glimpse into where my thoughts are and where I’m taking them.
01 // One of the first non-work things I did after deciding to tell everyone about my recent battle(s) with depression was dig into my archives and grab the printed copies I made of a comics activism magazine called Savant. For some of you, hearing that is going to be a blast from the past, but for most it’s not going to mean much. To briefly summarize, Savant was an online magazine that Matt Fraction helped run when he was younger and filled with fire. The contents were all about making comics and the industry better through righteous anger and action and sheer force of will. It’s brilliant and beautiful and flawed in a very well meaning way. I love it to bits, and it always inspires me to be better and to do better.
The best and worst part of reading old Savants is the fact that they are still relevant. They bristle against shitty, regressive practices in the industry, and almost every single one of the problems they are trying to confront are still prevalent today. The good comes from the fact that the articles still provide a pretty good roadmap for How To Be Good. The bad is the fact that something like Savant is still needed. Which brings me to the point of this section.
I’m going to make something like Savant. I’m going to do it, and I’m going to see if anyone else wants in. It’s going to emanate from here and from Variant Edition, not as bases of operation, but as infection points. While I’m learning to stop fighting against things that I have no control over, I am still very passionate about the things that I can – and I will fight for this industry, and for building the structure for change. We will be better. I will be better. This has to get better.
02 // I spoke briefly about accepting the fact that I can’t fight things I have no control over. This is really the foundation from which I’m moving forward. I’ve spent so much energy over the past few months fretting over outside elements that it started to drag me down. I can’t change external forces or thoughts – but I can prepare myself for them, and their effects and consequences. I can build myself in preparation for anything that might come. I think that might be the best foundation to start moving from, but I’m also open to hearing suggestions. Please, if you have thoughts, let me know, either in person, or in the comments here, or where ever you found this on the internet.
03 // Once again, I need to thank each and every one of you for your support. There were a lot of kind words on the internet, and in person, and a few hugs. What I’ve noticed is the fact that pretty much everyone has dealt with something like this before – or at the very least, know people who have. We all hide this stuff from each other and deal with it in the quiet, and… I’m grateful for everyone who felt comfortable enough to share with me. It means a lot that you would approach me, and talk about your experiences to help me with mine. Please know that if any of you need anything, I am here, either just to listen, or to talk with.
This is probably going to be a long process, but… I have a project that I’m excited to build alongside and with Submet and Variant Edition, and I have what I think is a path to move forward along. I hope that’s a good place to start.
I’ll keep you all posted.