Category Archives: Ephemera

Lost and Wandering

We all have those songs – the ones that dripped into our ears while the world burned. The ones that fed us when we couldn’t eat.

This song is everything. It is all I have.

I lean on those songs when I’m searching for something, to anchor me to a boy who had no idea what he was doing, but could find words with great ease. The boy lives in the melodies of these songs. He is fearless and sad. He is an idiot.

He was me.

Continue reading Lost and Wandering

Outside of Work

Writing is a process…

…and that process is exhausting.

Every time I decide to take another run at making Submet an ongoing concern, I go through the same process. I spend days and days putting together a schedule, set it a few months in advance… and then swiftly watch the days go by while I accomplish nothing. This time, I brought Danica in on the process, and she definitely provided the extra focus I needed to really work through my goals.

One of the things she suggested was that we need to have our posts reflect a good work/life balance, which for me, means no posting about comic book industry stuff… unless it’s being crossposted from places that make more sense in terms of “work”.

Continue reading Outside of Work

(the sound of a needle hitting a record)

I find it impossible to write these days, and I have a lot of places to place blame. The store. A lack of time. A glowing box in my hand.

A lack of talent.

The real reason is simple: I find it impossible to write, because I lack the discipline to do so. Every few months I build up a head of steam and try to make a go of regularity. A small bump in the road, and that derails and snowballs, until I stare at my phone, stare at the clock, look around the store, stare at my computer and mutter to myself, “this is impossible”.

But writing is not impossible, it is only improbable.

And so here I am once more, with a promise to write, improbable as that is.

Let’s see how this goes.

Hi.

Hello.


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Recently…

The Three Count // Takeover: Brooklyn IV

An irregular column about wrestling, done in threes. For reasons.

This weekend was Summerslam NXT Takeover: Brooklyn IV weekend and boy howdy do those folks know how to put together a show. I love it when Takeovers roll around, because it reminds me how great the WWE product can be when the people who make it are hungry and thoughtful. The hardest part is going to be sticking to just three points, but rules is rules.

Continue reading The Three Count // Takeover: Brooklyn IV

Scratch

The corners of my brain were itchy.

The corners of my brain were itchy, and I was staring at the many blank pages of my 2017 agenda.

Every year, I buy a new one, the blank pages filled with promise, and every year I end up staring at those very same pages, all too few with notes and tasks written on them as intended, even fewer with those notes and tasks fully executed.

As I flip through, I remember all my great plans. The burst of energy at the start of the year giving away to… giving away to another sea of nothing. Then very suddenly, the pages fill up once more, this time far more meticulous as everything falls apart and I cling to any kind of structure that I can find.

“Please remember to eat”, it reminds me.

“Water will stop you from dying, maybe.”

Many of these too, are left unchecked, which means I couldn’t even save myself when I needed saving the most.

The rest of the year gets better and worse, months of rebuilding, days of regret, weeks of half-hearted work giving away to nothing once again.

 

So.

The corners of my brain were itchy, and filling with regret. And hope.

I look at the calendar for 2018, and hatch a plan. I will get another agenda. I will do better, not just on those pages, but in general. I will hold myself accountable, and I will make and write and do.

I will be a better husband.

I will be a better me.

I won’t spend another December looking through an agenda filled with regrets, and think to myself, “another year wasted”.

I can’t.

As I get to the end of January, I’m already a little behind where I want to be. I was sick for a bit and it threw me for a loop, but… but that can’t be an excuse, because there’s always an excuse. Always. That’s why the agendas stay to empty.

And so, there’s this. A note from the middle of the night. A signal flare saying something… anything… selfishly for me. For today, it’s enough. It will calm my brain and let me push on to tomorrow which… will be better.

 

And so here’s to 2018. The year where it all happens, partly because I need it to, but mostly because I’ve always wanted it to. Every year. This is the one where it happens. Whatever “it” is.