Let’s be honest. This year has been so much more than a garbage fire. At times, it’s felt like all the post-apocalyptic YA’s novels we’ve been reading have come true, except with no choice between two equally drab men. During 2016, my depression hit a new low, I discovered new and awful triggers to my anxiety, and my relationship with Brandon had a wedge driven into it. So I thought, why don’t I try and focus on the positives? Good stuff HAD to have happened this year. How the hell did I get through it if it didn’t?

  1. I left an emotionally abusive relationship where I was treated as less than a person, repeatedly reminded my hard work was worth nothing, lied to and gaslit afterward, and finally screamed at when I attempted to change the situation to something positive and quasi-functional.
  2. I started a part-time temp job with an agency in July, and the company took me on as a permanent part-time employee in November. It’s a small company, and the people are nice. They understand that the majority of my time is focused on Variant Edition, and I work hard and am present the two days of the week I am in the office.
  3. I paid off my student loans back in July. I had been paying them off for nearly 8 years, and they had become an expense I felt was going to be a part of my life forever. Even though I was making very little money the last couple years, it felt really good to take control of one thing in my life and I guess detach myself from at least one financial stress.
  4. I’ve begun to take the occasional day off from the store. It’s a steep learning curve, but I’m trying to ease back into taking some time for myself.
  5. I see friends more often. Money still holds me back from a lot of hangouts, but a lot of people understand I’m working with a really tight budget right now.
  6. I saw the goddess Beyoncé in concert! Even though the weather was horrid, it was still quite the experience. I’ll remember it fondly forever.

When the world feels like it’s falling apart, there’s not always an incentive to pull up my bootstraps and keep going. I hope 2017 is better for me. I say that every year, but I think we all do that. I may not have positivity, but I will try to have hope. Oddly, those two things are quite different for me.

In 2017, I will find some hope.

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