Unwritable Girl

My hands were shaking.

We’d been together for almost three years, had lived together for over two, and still, I couldn’t steady my hands. I had planned to propose a long time ago, but the ring I wanted to get her cost a bit of money, more money than I could afford under regular circumstances. She had told me that she didn’t want something fancy or expensive, but I knew it was perfect, and it had to be hers.

Finally, hands shaking, in Manchester, Connecticut, standing in the middle of a beautiful garden, under a beautiful gazebo, I get down on one knee… and promptly forget absolutely everything I wanted to say to her.

What do you say to the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with? Everything you can come up with will almost inevitably fall short of the goal. You strive for perfection, because that is what you have, the woman that fits with you perfectly, but you can’t possibly describe the feeling you have for her.

Flash forward a few short months. Ever since you’ve been engaged, you’ve talked about getting married. How could you not? You want to be this woman’s husband, and you want to be that as soon as possible. The two of you decide on October 17th, the day she asked you to be her boyfriend, and you accepted without question. Three years to that day, you get married.

It’s a small ceremony. Nobody you know is there, except your soon-to-be wife. You’re nervous and she’s nervous, and you’re sure and you’re unsure and the emotion swirls, and your head swims. The time draws near. The ceremony starts. She walks towards you, and taps you on the shoulder. You turn around. Instantly, you’re a ball of tears. This woman, standing before you. Smiling. Radiant. Gorgeous. Her dress is stunning, a beautiful lacy number that makes her look like she walked off the set of an old Hollywood movie. This woman. And she wants you.

We go through the ceremony, repeating words, and saying our own. The proceedings are a blur. The only memory is her face, her eyes, her smile. This woman.

Today, I’ve been married for a little over a week. In all ways, I’ve never been happier than I am now. There’s just something about the love of an amazing woman, a woman who makes you feel more than the sum of your parts… there’s just something about her. Something indescribable, something I scramble to put into tangible description every day. It’s impossible.

To you, my love. And to the time (and space) we will spend together, travelling through life, together.

I love you.

-B