The Long Road

I’ve known I needed to get back into therapy for nearly two years now. This was at the same time as I was opening a business. I’ve been funnelling all of my money, time, energy, and mental bandwidth into the shop – with great results. Unfortunately, I have less and less to give. A big reason I’m working temporary contracts is the ability to save some money. Eventually, I’d like to have enough to start spending on myself again. And while nail polish is fun to purchase sometimes, I’m aiming for something that truly relaxes and reinvigorates me. I don’t mean to diminish anyone. If nail polish is your self-care, you do you. When I have time to sit down, and the world doesn’t feel too hopeless, painting my nails is one of my top choices for making myself feel a bit better.

I’ve tried a few different things that people seem to respond to during self-care, but so far, nothing works better than a few hours of Netflix and not thinking about my problems. Which I’m pretty sure is more avoidance, rather than taking care of the problem(whatever it may be that day). Whatever, I’m a long way from getting proper recovery, and this is what I can afford and have time for at the moment.

Pretty sure I worried some of you in my previous post. I’ve been dealing with depression all my life – you think I’d be able to handle it by now – and This Too Shall Pass. There are some things in my life I can’t control, and I’ve improved at not focusing solely on those factors and scenarios. Doesn’t mean the stress and horror of life doesn’t paralyze me occasionally, but I’m getting better at concentrating on that tiny little light at the end of the tunnel.

Yes, I desperately need someone to talk to, but we are all going through something right now, and my patchwork explanations must be focused at one person as soon as they comfortably can be. I’m going to try my best to write sometimes, and hopefully, the whole story can come out at some point(if you want to hear it).

Hey, remember when I used to write about organization and decluttering? That was fun.

Anyway, please leave your preferred type of self-care in the comments below. I’m curious what everyone does to get through the day.

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  1. Painting little dudes! Playing army dolls!

  2. Heya. Laury here.

    I never know what to say. It really sucks that you’re going through this and all my default lines are ‘I’m sorry…’ and ‘Anything I can do…’ and ‘I do this…’ but I honestly don’t know. Because it’s not about anything with an ‘me’ in that. Just you.

    So I really struggle what to say. To help. To do or not do.

    That doesn’t help…

    But you asked what everyone else does to get through the day. Somedays it’s losing myself in a game (video or board), sometimes it’s getting out to play ball. Watch a baseball game. Mostly these are distractions I guess, but they let me feel comfortable to unwind enough and process what it is that’s eating me. Maybe, if I get unwound enough, even to form ideas or thoughts about how to handle it. If there is a way to handle it.

    And when that doesn’t work, or doesn’t work long enough to be able to stop a spiral, I sometimes just break down. Amber’s seen it. The stress especially of last years job hunt issues especially. She’s great. She was a rock and I feel so bad about it. But yeah, sometimes I just lose it and it’s a night or two of just crying. Usually alone, but thankfully now often with Amber there.

    I don’t know if that’s healthy, or whatever, because it just is for me. I’ve tried very hard not to let that spill over into frustration with petty things and trigger arguments, but sometimes I fail at that too.

    I don’t know what it’ll be for you, but you have plenty of people around you that care about you. That I DO know for sure. So whatever and wherever you can find some relief, go for it. Back to that ‘me’ part…but I’m rooting for you okay.

  3. I’m still trying to figure out what actual, productive self-care looks like for me, as opposed to avoidance (which *is* sometimes self-care, I think, but for me a lot of the time is just delaying the inevitable). But so far, being outside is a big one that seems to help. And as difficult as it is for me in these moments, accomplishing something or feeling productive is a big one too. Also actually eating food? All the things that are hardest, frankly. So that’s been fun.

    All the love and hugs to you.

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